1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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