I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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