His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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