i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
