I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
