kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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