the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize