yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
