I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
