So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
