so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You ate ashes out of my bong
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
