proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
