i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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