Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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