Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
