there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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