I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
So much rum. So many feels.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
