Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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