i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
