Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I need a hoe opinion
go on
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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