I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
