Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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