Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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