I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
