Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Randomize
