He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
