Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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