Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
