If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize