he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
