i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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