They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
