it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
