Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
