hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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