Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
