I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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