You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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