I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
