The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
