More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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