i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
