My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Just took my morning after pill in the library
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
