Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
whose ass print is on the piano?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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