Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
