Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I want a musical about memes.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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