you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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