The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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