Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Randomize
