Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
