I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Randomize
