I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Well I just put wine in my tea
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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