Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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