Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize