we have pet lesbian snakes
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
