Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
