Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
