I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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