You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
