do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
