You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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