Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
