how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
