Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Randomize