Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
