I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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