just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
