She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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