I don't usually arrange sex via text message
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
