I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
