Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
