I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
