The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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