No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
