You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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