I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
