im having a threesome with these popsicles
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
