The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
