I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
