508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
