and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
