2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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