I got chris browned last night
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
