his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
