Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
