I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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