My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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