Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
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