he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
