I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
