i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
