Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
