I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
