Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
