literally had 100 drinks last night.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
