I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Randomize
